Coming Out - The Importance of Transgender Visibility and Support
Thursday 29-02-2024 - 11:13
Everyone’s experience of self-discovery is different; some people begin their journey during childhood or adolescence, whereas others don’t explore their identity until adulthood. Before I began my own journey, people often described me as a tomboy, but my gender identity was not something I had given much consideration. When I was twelve, I first experienced gender dysphoria, which made me feel confused and anxious. I couldn’t understand what triggered this, until later.
I spent over four years with a name and pronouns that felt completely wrong, and wishing I could talk to someone about the difficulties of experiencing adolescence as someone I’m not. In June 2021, I came out to my mum. I was so overcome with fear about speaking about it, that I ended up writing it down for her to read. After that, I asked her to tell certain family members on my behalf. This wasn’t easy, but it was such a relief being able to talk about it, and I feel less alone. I can’t describe the happiness I felt as more and more people began using my name and my pronouns.
My mental health has definitely improved after coming out and starting my transition. However, I’m glad I made the decision to come out slightly later, as it could have been difficult being ‘out,’ within my circumstances. Throughout my time at school and college, I witnessed and experienced bullying and harassment for being different, and I feared that acknowledging this publically would make life a lot more difficult.
With that being said, I’m lucky to have the love and support from my close family– from my sister, who instantly began using the name and pronouns I asked and has never slipped up, to my mum, who has been one of the most vocal supporters in defending and advocating for me and my identity to be respected. I’m lucky to have made great friends, who show me nothing but acceptance and inclusion, and to have the ability to cut people off who don’t show me the same support. I’m lucky to have access to gender-affirming care; to change my name, start taking hormones, and even have surgery. And I’m lucky to not face the violence and danger many others have faced. I have found it very difficult at times, and have had to live cautiously, but I have amazing people to fight my corner and support my transition. With time and education, I know it’s possible for people to change their opinions and become allies.
One of the most helpful things, regardless of your stage in transition, is to filter out and not engage with transphobia where you can – such as blocking or muting transphobia in politics or the media, or taking breaks from social media if things escalate too much. Coming out can be terrifying, regardless of your support network. If you know it’s safe for you to come out, but can’t find the words, you can communicate by writing, texting, posting or asking another person to speak on your behalf.
Prioritise your safety above all else, even if it means waiting for some time until you are in a safe environment - whether that be after you have left your school or job, moved to a different area, or distanced yourself from people who may not accept you. Coming out too soon, and being subject to increased transphobia and misgendering could worsen your mental health more. This can be lonely though, so if you need to talk to someone, finding a therapist who is an ally can be extremely helpful. It can also be very useful to create an online support network of people to allow you to talk to people who understand your experiences, while also being yourself without the fear or danger that may come with being out in person.
However, there is also no obligation to come out. Coming out is about you, you never need to tell anyone if you don’t want to, and you can still transition without coming out. It’s all about your safety, wellbeing and autonomy!
Transgender Support Resources
https://www.beaumontsociety.org.uk/
https://www.solentmind.org.uk/support-for-you/our-services/
https://www.angelsforum.co.uk/phpforum/
This blog was submitted anonymously.
